Why can't you be yourself with dignity
 

Text / Yangguang Qingchen
 

You force yourself to do a job you don't like. You are forced to marry by many people. You can't help but make a choice against your will. You suddenly realize that the more you grow up, the more lonely you become, and the more you grow up, the more you can't be yourself. But you don't know why you can't be yourself with dignity when you are financially independent, ideologically independent and physically sound?
 

1、 In the face of secular ideas, you should become your own warrior
 

Since childhood, Chinese people have been "skinned and affected by their parents. They dare not be damaged, and filial piety begins." Bound by these filial piety. Therefore, our parents are good at making many choices for us. In the face of any choice, we have only the right to know but little choice.
 

This state probably lasts until you grow up. You have your own view of right and wrong and outlook on life. You thought you could be yourself, but you will still find that you are surrounded by countless secular ideas.
 

First, let's talk about our work. As a post-80s generation, our parents still believe that the work in the system is stable and comfortable in drought and flood. Whenever there is a relationship, they will try their best to find us a job within the system, but no one really cares about what you are suitable for.
 

I have a friend who is a typical engineering man. He likes to deal with numbers and formulas, but he is not good at words and can't cope with slightly more complex human and worldly sophistication. In the year of graduation, he was admitted to the local civil service in the ardent expectation of his parents. Therefore, facing the olive branch thrown to him by the Design Institute, he had no choice but to give up.
 

In the eyes of others, he should have lived a comfortable life, but he is not happy. He can't write official documents. He doesn't know how to face his scheming colleagues and leaders who like to talk around a lot. As a result, he didn't have any chance of promotion after working for seven years, and he began to lose his hair before he was thirty.
 

Of course, he was comfortable but unhappy. He gave up his dream of becoming a scientist, and a life without a dream will become boring. When he was drunk, he often cried with his first prize medal in the National Mathematical Olympiad. But when he woke up, he could only continue to be a man with his tail in the organ.
 

The concept of "learning makes you an official" has influenced countless generations of Chinese people. In the face of a stable job that is not suitable for them, many people choose to continue to bear it like my friend. Therefore, they are mediocre and depressed all their life. They live in the eyes of countless people. They live in these unreasonable secular concepts. Their life does not belong to themselves. They dare not follow their hearts and do not turn back. They will only sigh.
 

"Golden Phoenix in the mountain nest" is the greatest affirmation of Phoenix man and peacock woman. The parents who live in the mountain nest have worked hard to raise their children all their life. Once their children fly out of the mountain nest, they hope they can fly to the sky until they shine on the lintel and come back to worship their ancestors.
 

Even parents in second and third tier cities often want to send their children to work and live in big cities. Parents have taught us the old saying "a good man is ambitious" since childhood. Of course, big cities are not bad. Compared with small cities, we can enjoy high-quality educational resources, medical resources, delicious food and nightlife everywhere. Most people break their heads and squeeze into big cities without considering whether you can accept the pressure from big cities.
 

Those left behind are always brave people living in big cities. They are diligent and persistent. A few years later, they bought a house, a car and formed their own family of three. Of course, everyone is happy with this outcome. However, it is undeniable that more and more people are bearing various pressures - high housing prices, increasingly competitive jobs, cautious life everywhere, and many people's dreams are annihilated in front of reality. They often report good news without bad news. Occasionally, when they complain about life in big cities to their parents and express their willingness to return to small cities, they will still be ruthlessly rejected by their parents. They will criticize you for being afraid of hardship. They don't know that you have eaten bread for a month with a meager salary; They will teach you not to cherish the opportunity to stay in a big city. They don't know that you are surrounded by more scheming and connected colleagues than you; They will complain that you don't know how to please people. They don't know that you have been your master's attendant for a month.
 

Therefore, the word empathy always stays on the surface and has not experienced the life you have experienced. Everyone can persuade you to stay and stay with high sounding reasons. You have to work harder until you are exhausted and repeat your life habitually.
 

The most terrible thing is that in the face of love, you have less and less courage to pursue. When you meet someone you like at the age of 20, you can pursue them regardless. When you meet someone you love at first sight at the age of 30, you will hesitate and look ahead and backward.
 

You are not only afraid of losing, but also afraid of not being a good match. It's a good match. We've said the word for so many years, but it's a pity that our understanding of it still stays on the surface. The real match is the consistency of each other's values, outlook on life and consumption, rather than the equal status and wealth of each other's families.
 

Think about it carefully. Why do you accept the blind date arranged by your parents while complaining that you can't meet true love? Because on the road of finding true love, you are also not bold enough. You are afraid of the pressure from the outside world. You deeply feel that being left behind is shameful, and life without marriage is even more embarrassing. So you choose to compromise and spend your life with someone your parents recognize and don't hate. If you don't have heart in this life, it's OK. But once you meet someone who falls in love at first sight after marriage, what should you do? Of course, the secular concept will still restrain you with responsibility. You can only laugh and forget in the Jianghu with him or her, but no one can understand the bitterness and helplessness of the moment you wake up when that person appears in your dream countless times.
 

It's for you to think about who you are going to live before you have an independent soul. You should not worry about marriage because you are too old. The right person will appear one day. Even if you are alone and know how to manage your own life, I also feel happier than an ordinary marriage without love.
 

Most Chinese live for their parents in the first half of their life and work for their children in the second half of their life. We don't have much time to live for ourselves. Therefore, every time you can make your own decisions, you should bravely make some choices for yourself. For example, you should choose which city you want to live in, what job you want to choose, and who you prefer to spend the rest of your life with. These choices should follow your heart's will. These decisions closely related to your future decades are not for anyone to see. Your life is not a show. It doesn't matter how brilliant you smile in front of people. The important thing is that whenever the sun rises, you can greet this day with joy, and when night falls, you can sleep with a clear conscience.
 

2、 In the face of moral kidnapping, do not choose compromise
 

Chinese people are habitually kidnapped by morality. We have been taught to "respect the old and love the young" since childhood. Therefore, in the face of the old people who rely on the old and sell the old and the children who support others, we choose to bear it more.
 

The question of whether the bus should give up its seat to the elderly has attracted the attention of countless media. It even happened that young people who didn't give up their seats to the elderly because of physical discomfort were beaten by the elderly. What a wonderful and terrible moral kidnapping is this? Of course, we should "respect the old and love the young", but this must be based on mutual respect. Sometimes, your compromise only contributes to the arrogance of some evil winds.
 

We highly value the marriage concept of a hundred years of marriage and a certain lifetime. Therefore, in the face of changes in marriage, we choose to support each other, exhausted to maintain a marriage without love.
 

My aunt is the victim of this view of marriage. My grandmother has four daughters, all of whom are beautiful and generous. The fifth aunt is more gorgeous than Quan Fang, and won the favor of many male gods in their time. Soon after the fifth aunt married her fifth uncle, she found that her fifth uncle liked drinking. When she was drunk, she began to be rude to her. The one that impressed me most was that my mother received a call from my fifth aunt in the middle of the night. This time, she was badly beaten by her fifth uncle. When my family rushed to the hospital, I saw her curled up in a small corner of the hospital hall, with blood on her clothes. My mother was covered at that time. We don't know how the fifth uncle beat her in a cruel way. A big wound was torn out of the stuffed meat in her left mouth. The doctor on duty twisted it for seven stitches before he reluctantly sutured the wound.
 

Our family began to persuade her to divorce, but she went home silently after her injury. She would rather escape domestic violence in this wrong marriage than divorce. She is afraid of divorce. She is afraid of having nothing after divorce, but in fact, if she continues to maintain this marriage, she is not only having nothing, but also suffering physically and mentally; She was worried about the adverse effects of divorce on her son, but someone had done experiments. The children of a well-educated single parent family were far healthier than those growing up in a two parent family suffering from domestic violence; What she fears most is the sarcasm she will suffer after divorce. After so many years of reform and opening up, many people's thoughts have not really kept pace with the times.
 

I have a good friend who has been in love with his girlfriend for seven years, but when they were ready to end their long-distance love run, he fell in love with another girl at first sight. After countless struggles, he chose to propose to his girlfriend of seven years.
 

It's a good thing if you can finally accept your heart and willingly enter into marriage. Unfortunately, cough and love can't be concealed. Whether choosing a diamond ring or a wedding dress, he imagined which diamond ring and wedding dress the girl he loved would choose. This kind of spirit is deviant and constantly tormenting him. After marriage, he has to deal with firewood, rice, oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar and tea. Because he has no love for his wife, he is not as tolerant and patient as before. Finally, after a fierce quarrel, the wife exposed the fact that he fell in love with another girl. Once some things were exposed, they couldn't live with each other. The girl he deeply loved did not dare to bear the curse of "little three" and did not choose to make up with him again.
 

In this hasty marriage, it can be said that both sides were hurt. If you can face it rationally at the beginning and not be kidnapped by morality, I think even if you confess to the other party, you will get the understanding of the other party with the growth of time and age. But too concerned about the eyes of others, he chose to put another girl in his heart and hastily entered the marriage, which could only destroy the kindness of seven years at the same time.
 

Our actions should be bound by morality, but we should understand the difference between restraint and kidnapping. Morality restricts us to abide by the law and be good citizens who are beneficial to society and family, but morality itself never wants to intercept your life by kidnapping. If you clearly know that going on will only lead to worse results, you will not follow morality but be kidnapped by morality. You hold back, you compromise, you hypocritically express your feelings, you think this is the best accomplishment for others, but you don't know that you just bring greater harm to others.
 

3、 You come to the world, you want to see the sun
 

Haizi's "summer sun" has such a paragraph: when you come to the world, you need to see the sun; Walk down the street with your sweetheart. Our life should be hot and enthusiastic, accompanied by passion. You should feel the beauty of life and make no secret of the bone feeling of reality; You can be busy and noisy, and you are not afraid to be lonely; You will be greedy for your lover's soft palm, and you can also resolutely send away those who don't love you or you don't love.
 

Some time ago, when I read life on A4 paper, I suddenly realized that life originally came in such a hurry. Your seemingly long years are actually fleeting. Reality tells you that any empathy is unreliable. In your eyes, the life of others is actually cold and warm. Don't be induced by secular ideas, let alone kidnapped by morality. Your limited life needs too many choices to follow your heart. Your short years are not a show to meet others. No matter whether you are happy or sad along the way, as long as you are yourself with dignity, your life is beautiful and perfect.