Marriage: Choice is More Important than Effort
Wen/Xiao Yue
01
A friend who was about to enter the marriage palace once asked me, is marriage choice important, or is it more important to work hard to manage? I answered her that both are important, but 'choice' is more important!
The phrase 'wrong choice, wasted effort' also applies to marriage.
Making the wrong choice, even if you have the level and understanding of sexual interaction skills, it will consume a lot of energy. Finally, I am afraid I will also be exhausted by disappointment, disappointment, and anxiety.
If you choose the right person, just pay a little attention to your way of getting along, and you will find that marriage, love, and relaxation are beautiful.
My friend Xiao Rong always breaks up with her fianc é after a word of disagreement. One of them likes to travel, while the other likes to stay at home; One is a cleanliness disorder, while the other is a careless person who litters things around; One likes romance, while the other is naturally depressed; A personality with a direct and hot temper, while a personality with a sensitive and easily injured personality.
She thought that after getting married, after a period of adjustment, everything would improve. But after getting married, there were more conflicts, and the two of them were like a pair of walking explosives, which could trigger a war at any time.
In fact, it's better to find someone who is already suitable than investing in energy and trying to fit in with someone who is not suitable.
Just like, a piece of high-quality jade, casually carved, still looks very beautiful. However, if it is a stone, even if the world's best carver is hired, it can at most become a stone carving, and its value can never be compared to the casually carved jade.
Marriage always comes first and effort comes last, and choice is always more important than effort!
02
Remembered the story of my friend Xiao Ran.
Xiaoyu, at the age of 22, married the local wealthy second generation on the recommendation of her parents. I thought Xiaoyou would lead a wealthy wife's life, happy and sweet... However, it's not! Xiaoyou's originally brilliant face was filled with the words "melancholic".
The reason is that in her husband's eyes, she seems useless. My husband often belittles her and negates everything she does. He always says:
Why can't you do anything well, you're so stupid
Once, she carefully prepared a table of dishes according to her husband's taste, and he took a few bites:
What kind of taste are all these? It's really unpleasant. I'm going out to eat, but a friend asked me out. You can eat it yourself at home
After he finished speaking, he left and threw down a table of food to calm her down.
At a family gathering, everyone at the dinner table discussed current affairs and news together. Xiao Ran also expressed her views, but her husband interrupted her:
What nonsense are you from a woman's family
Xiaoyou began to doubt herself, was she naturally stupid, was she not good enough, was she not likable? However, perhaps my husband has his reasons, perhaps it was his own bad words that made him lose face. In the future, try to speak less in front of others, so as not to make mistakes.
However, she still felt depressed, lost, and entangled inside, with nowhere to tell. In the dead of night, she wrote her emotions into words.
Gradually, she fell in love with literature, reading and writing in her leisure time, and occasionally publishing articles in magazines and journals. Sometimes, go to parties and make friends with literary enthusiasts.
After her husband found out, he said to her:
Women should just do household chores and take care of their children. Other gods and horses are just floating clouds! Don't go to those gatherings again in the future
Xiaoyu thought, as long as I do the housework well, take care of the children, use my spare time to write, and make some achievements, my husband will one day understand and support me!
Xiaoyou still insists on writing and attending parties.
Once, after attending a party, she came back very late.
My husband scolded:
How many times have I told you not to go to those gatherings, not to engage in any writing, not to have a child at home? Our family has plenty of money, can't we still afford you
Xiaoyou mustered up the courage and replied, "Just the state officials setting fire and not allowing the people to light the lights? Besides, I didn't delay taking care of the children
My husband grabbed her hair and pressed her against the wall, saying fiercely:
"You still have reason, don't you? I'm the final say of this family! In the future, if you go out to fool around again, we will divorce!"
Xiaoyou felt a shiver in her heart, feeling that the person in front of her had become unfamiliar and terrifying. Even if we try our best to manage our family, we cannot reverse our husband's attitude towards her.
03
She thought about getting divorced, but when she thought about it, she would definitely be talked about by others after divorce, and her husband wouldn't give up his son to herself.
So she can only suppress her depressed emotions in her heart.
Her body is becoming increasingly thin and her appearance is becoming increasingly haggard. Only writing is her only spiritual sustenance.
Through writing, she made some friends. There is a male netizen who often contacts her to exchange writing skills and share reading experiences. Once, she used QQ to chat with this man on her computer, and after chatting, she went to take a shower and forgot to turn off the computer.
After my husband returned home, he flipped through their chat records and became increasingly angry, revealing a murderous aura in his eyes. He rushed into the bathroom and shouted:
You are secretly flirting with other men behind the scenes! I knew you were not in the right mind, you shameless and shameless woman! Let's get a divorce
He didn't give her any chance to explain and slapped her in the face fiercely. Her foot slipped, her head hit the bathtub, and she suddenly passed out
After waking up from the hospital, she felt as if she had gone through a century, and she felt a force surging out of her body that was meant to survive.
She resolutely divorced, disregarding the opposition of her family
Goodbye to Xiaoyou, it was a year ago that she completely changed! I have become talkative and more confident, with a rosy complexion, a radiant face, and a lively expression. I think I must have met the right person!
As expected, she told me that she was married again and met a man who truly understood and appreciated her. He, like her, is a literary enthusiast.
He often praises her as an angel sent by heaven to save him. He praises her for being gentle, lovely, understanding, and a fallen elf.
He supports her everything, her work, her dreams, and of course, also supports her writing. He believes that having a mother who can write will definitely make her son very educated.
He often creates surprises and romances for her, such as meticulously making desserts for her, preparing candlelight dinners, or taking her to see fireworks, set up Kong Ming lanterns, and take her on trips to various places.
On her 27th birthday, he gave her a book. She opened it and was stunned. It turned out that all the articles in the book were written by her, and she never thought she could even publish a book!
Thanks to meeting him, I felt the feeling of love and life was beautiful! He helped me out of despair, and he completely opened up my world
04
The story of Xiaoyu deeply resonates with a saying: The best love is when two people become better together!
A happy marriage and love must be relaxed and full of fun, without putting in too much effort or hard work. Being with him makes me feel very relaxed and able to be my true self.
Just like, no matter how hard Li Yapeng tries to please Faye Wong, he cannot win the favor of the queen. When they are together, it feels awkward. Li Yapeng is always wishful thinking and enthusiastic, while Faye Wong always forces a smile.
When Faye Wong and Nicholas Tse were together, no matter how tall and cold she looked, Faye Wong couldn't suppress her inner joy, with a smile like that of a girl.
Some people say that men cheat because women are not outstanding enough and do not know how to manage a marriage, which is why they cannot keep a man's heart.
A man who wants to cheat has nothing to do with whether a woman is virtuous and beautiful! Is it because Ma Yili is not virtuous enough and doesn't understand business when the article goes off the rails? On the contrary, Ma Yili is widely recognized as a woman with high emotional intelligence and tolerance. But she still couldn't stop the betrayal of the article.
No matter how excellent a woman is and how knowledgeable she is in business, scumbags will still cheat.
Even the most excellent woman will meet a scumbag, and even the most excellent woman will get divorced. Happiness is not about business, it's not about excellence, it's just about whether you've chosen the right person!
Marriage, choice is more important than effort. There is no need to strive for change, struggle to please, or constantly worry or suspect.
When you are tired, he will come over and rub your back. When you are upset, he will give you a hug. When you are sick, he will be by your side.
These tacit understandings cannot be achieved through management, because they cannot reach this level. But if you choose the right person, it's not difficult. They will think about what you think, love what you love, and hurt you to the bone. You will feel that happiness is so simple and relaxed.
So, before entering the wedding, it is important to think about the life you want, and also to have a clear understanding of whether the person in front of you is suitable for you and worthy of your lifelong commitment.
A lifetime is long, you must choose a man who makes you better!
About the author: Xiao Yue, the millions of women's emotional official account - Yuedu is a leading Huadan. A writer who can't chase dramas and tell stories is not a good editor in chief. WeChat official account: Xiaoyue Posthouse (ID: joyay88), your emotional tree hole, and spiritual post station. Follow Xiaoyue and hold onto the male god. Please contact Xiaoyue Station for authorization for reprinting.
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